I predict the apocalypse will start with angry holiday shoppers. They’ll get sick of of standing in line. They’ll no longer have patience with other people. Before long, they’ll turn rabid and begin lunging at retail workers.
The poor employees will only have one desperate method of self-defense: their bar-code scanners. There’s a problem though; just as the retail uprising occurs, a massive solar storm will wreak havoc upon the electronics. Massive amounts of solar radiation will shoot through the scanners and onto the masses.
Then the mutation will begin.
The holiday shoppers will grow, slowly at first, into huge, ten-foot-tall giants with poisonous tentacles. Yes, tentacles. Within seconds they’ll take out all the employees and begin crowding the streets. Cars will collide, fires will burn buildings.
Military tanks will be useless against these retail beasts. Bombs will be dropped, whole cities massacred in a fruitless effort to destroy the mutants. Those who do survive will tell stories by a primitive fire of a time when terrible giants caused the death of millions. They’ll reminiscence of ancient, long-lost civilizations with great structures and mighty flying machines.
Clearly I work in retail and just finished a horrific 8-hour shift.