Sarah Long Writes

 I’m one of those people who enters a room and the television suddenly blows up, or a computer crashes or a camera malfunctions. Street lights blink off when I drive underneath them all the time. It’s gotten to the point where I’m starting to wonder if my body emits some kind of screwy electrical charge that destroys technology.

I can’t figure out basic computer functions for the life of me. I still right-click for copy and paste. Technology simply isn’t my thing. Sure, back in the Myspace era (when glittering profile layouts were the form of self-expression), I learned a few basic** HTML codes, but all memory of them has now been erased and replaced with useless facts about Farmers car insurance policies.

This may or may not have been on my Myspace page at one time in the *distant* past.

That said, I’m now in the midst of creating a website.

I need help. A lot of it. So I went to Barnes and Noble and checked out the only section in the store that has remained completely foreign to me until today: Internet and Web Design. An hour into reading–breaking only to release desperate whimpers– I realized there was no hope for me on my own. I have no idea which server to use to host it (is it called a server or am I mixing it all up now?), if I need a lot of space or just a basic amount (I want pretty graphics and awesome interactive videos!!) or if I can even hope to design it without some crazy expensive program. That said, what the heck is InDesign and why does it require a $50 textbook to understand the basics of it??

Clearly I’m out of my league. I may just have to look into hiring a webmaster. Has any other technologically impaired person out there in webland created a website of their own?? Or has anyone hired someone else to do it? Is it worth it?? Ahhhh.

Time to sleep.

**Basic meaning that some two-year-old out there is entering the same codes right now.